Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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