she was so not down for the gang bang
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
