woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
