It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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