just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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