my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
