see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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