Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
