I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
