I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
