see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
