dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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