That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
