Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And then he peed in my hair
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