is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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