Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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