just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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