maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
