i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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