On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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