No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
