My hand turned me down
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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