I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
