dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When did angry sex become our thing?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
