Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
last night I used snow as a chaser
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