I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
