i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
