I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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