There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
