he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
