i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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