I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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