This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
