eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
