I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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