$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
