so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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