yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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