Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
