What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
