We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
