fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
