A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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