that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
