You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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