masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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