She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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