I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
