How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
