I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
