It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
