no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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