I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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